woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize