my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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