I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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