Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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