Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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