i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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