I feel great
I just peed on a car
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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