i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think i got beer on your cat.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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