i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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