Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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