barbara walters just said penis...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The uberlube is also flammable
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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