I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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