Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize