party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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