I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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