Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize