Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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