Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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