Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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