It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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