a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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