yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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