According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize