woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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