Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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