I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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