So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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