she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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