last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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