I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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