One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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