I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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