Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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