just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize