Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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