I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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