Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize