life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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