You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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