I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
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we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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