i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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