I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
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What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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