Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
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I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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