If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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