I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize