3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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