Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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