he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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