he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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