your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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