you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize